Sunday, May 2, 2010

Too eager to care about the title

.... And every seed
Earth-engendered back to earth shall pass,
And back to heaven the seeds of sky;
Seeing all things into all may range
And, sundering, show new shapes of change,
But never that which is shall die....

No one seems to understand what this means, and I thought that the moment I read that I knew exactly what it meant. What is our purpose here on earth? To live is to die? I believe we impact others lives on a daily basis and most of us go about our lives not putting much thought into it, but the impact we make is monumental. You can make someones day, you change things, you have the wonderful capacity to alter someones perception or thought or emotions. That power is amazing, just incredible.

Therefore that is the name of my blog, because here I will write about the lives that I will have forever changed and about how my life is affected by others. a side note: dianemontauk? what does this mean? montauk is a place from the movie 'eternal sunshine of the spotless mind' where these people went to remember what they had forgotten. Its the place that you know to go to look for someone you love when you lose them. You may not understand why you are there, but you go there and wonderful things happen.

Now, that was just my intro.

Today I felt almost euphoric at one point, I haven't felt that way since I made my decision to end the relationship that I was in for 3 years. I needed to find me again, I needed to stop defining myself by the person that I was with, I needed to motivate myself instead of others, i needed out. Love was what kept me there for so long, but there was a lack of love for myself.
One day I just woke up and felt that it was the right day, I felt beautiful and strong and brave enough to face the world...alone. Today, I felt that again.

I was at work and this little boy about 4 years old grabbed my hand and asked me a question. Maybe it was the feeling of this tiny innocent hand, maybe it was the fact that I haven't held someones hand and felt the need to protect them, maybe it was that I was so shocked how this child could so tenderly hold the hand of a complete stranger. I felt at that moment like I was trusted with a very precious thing, like I will forever feel that tiny hand pulling me.

This boy was not afraid, was not worried, was not stressed. I was so overcome by this feeling of confusion and awe, I asked the father if I could pick his son up so that he could see better and he said yes. And then I carried the beautiful boy and got a glimpse of what its like to be a parent. Children are so honest and pure when they love you, and for a second I got a glimpse of that love, of that innocence, of that purity. I have 7 nephews and nieces and I have felt similar things before, but at this particular moment I felt that everything would be okay because it was not awkward, or wierd, it was an interaction between two strangers far apart in age but bound by a few seconds in time that can never be erased.

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