Thursday, May 27, 2010

I just felt like blogging yay

SOOOO! Today was regular and uneventful, actually it was a bit eventful. Saw the ex on the bus, was not awkward or scary for me cause I'm not emotionally attached anymore. I guess he felt otherwise because he told me we can't be friends....big shocker. What is it with guys? Why is it so hard for them to let go? Like it doesn't have to be a huge drama all the time. People need to learn that no man is an island and everyone depends and needs each other, and if you shut everyone out you will have nothing left.

This brings me to my next question. How long does it take to get over someone? I guess it depends on how long you were together and what that time together consisted of. I think that it shouldn't take more than 2 days regardless of who it is or what the relationship was like. You should give yourself one day to mourn the relationship and remember good times and bad times, and for us girls to cry it all out (boys you could try that too). The other day is useful to make the action plan: now that I have all this free time, what will I do with myself. It could mean going to yoga, or a cake decorating class, getting a job, getting a pet, getting a new book, traveling...

I'm not saying that after those two days everything will be perfect, you may have a relapse, you may be consumed by lonliness and you may pick up the phone, dial and then hang up. But after those two days you will be ready for it all.

All things come to an end and if you have the courage to get out of a complacent relationship that could've led to a mediocre life where you will never be fully happy then...... I SALUTE YOU for having the balls to do so.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010


Haha, today is just one of those days...dry spell? Can it be a dry spell if its been about a month-ish? Yes it can! Ugh. There are so many factors to consider before sleeping with someone, first and formost for me is the emotional connection. Should we sleep with people without loving them? I'm not sure, I think there has to be some sort of bond between you. Keep in mind that if you are friends you may forever ruin your friendship if things don't work out. If you are strangers then theres the worry of STD's or I's....whatever....There is also the issue of getting attached to the person after being 'intimate'.

Thats just the beginning then there are other things, like knowing whats okay and whats off limits, and of course like anything in life the 'venue' is an issue too. Sneaking guys into my room when my parents are out is no longer an option. We must resport to different things, not that I don't love adventure ;) I really do. But, if you really want to let loose and not be all tense, then you need to find a good place.

Then there is etiquette, some people like to shower before or after, some people like to sleep, or cuddle, or just take off making it all seem like a sleazy booty-call.

What do I like? I think I need to love someone to sleep with them, and know them well enough to draw their face in my mind, know the sound of their voice, know what their favourite foods are, know where they live, and know their last name. Not bad right? So no one night stands? Nope, not for me. I need to be courted, wined and dined. My smile needs to burst when I get his text or call, my head needs to spin when the conversation gets intense, my hands need to long to caress him....impossible to sleep with someone without touching them right? haha. I like to kiss a lot, I like to be warmed up. I like to be spontaneous and a bit dangerous sometimes. I like to have fun ;) I like to try new things, I don't particularily care if he showers before as long as he doesn't stink and showering after is not an option with me, just in case theres round 2 !!!

Lots of things to consider... But its just sex so whats all the fuss about?


Sunday, May 2, 2010

Too eager to care about the title

.... And every seed
Earth-engendered back to earth shall pass,
And back to heaven the seeds of sky;
Seeing all things into all may range
And, sundering, show new shapes of change,
But never that which is shall die....

No one seems to understand what this means, and I thought that the moment I read that I knew exactly what it meant. What is our purpose here on earth? To live is to die? I believe we impact others lives on a daily basis and most of us go about our lives not putting much thought into it, but the impact we make is monumental. You can make someones day, you change things, you have the wonderful capacity to alter someones perception or thought or emotions. That power is amazing, just incredible.

Therefore that is the name of my blog, because here I will write about the lives that I will have forever changed and about how my life is affected by others. a side note: dianemontauk? what does this mean? montauk is a place from the movie 'eternal sunshine of the spotless mind' where these people went to remember what they had forgotten. Its the place that you know to go to look for someone you love when you lose them. You may not understand why you are there, but you go there and wonderful things happen.

Now, that was just my intro.

Today I felt almost euphoric at one point, I haven't felt that way since I made my decision to end the relationship that I was in for 3 years. I needed to find me again, I needed to stop defining myself by the person that I was with, I needed to motivate myself instead of others, i needed out. Love was what kept me there for so long, but there was a lack of love for myself.
One day I just woke up and felt that it was the right day, I felt beautiful and strong and brave enough to face the world...alone. Today, I felt that again.

I was at work and this little boy about 4 years old grabbed my hand and asked me a question. Maybe it was the feeling of this tiny innocent hand, maybe it was the fact that I haven't held someones hand and felt the need to protect them, maybe it was that I was so shocked how this child could so tenderly hold the hand of a complete stranger. I felt at that moment like I was trusted with a very precious thing, like I will forever feel that tiny hand pulling me.

This boy was not afraid, was not worried, was not stressed. I was so overcome by this feeling of confusion and awe, I asked the father if I could pick his son up so that he could see better and he said yes. And then I carried the beautiful boy and got a glimpse of what its like to be a parent. Children are so honest and pure when they love you, and for a second I got a glimpse of that love, of that innocence, of that purity. I have 7 nephews and nieces and I have felt similar things before, but at this particular moment I felt that everything would be okay because it was not awkward, or wierd, it was an interaction between two strangers far apart in age but bound by a few seconds in time that can never be erased.